Fun With VD!

Ah, Valentine’s Day.  Definitely one of my favorite holidays (do we call it a holiday?) but probably not for the reasons you may be thinking.

Why do I love Valentine’s Day so much?

Is it the pink and red explosion that takes over at least one aisle, possibly two or three at every store in the country?

No.

Is it the sense of forced romance in the air?

No, but we’re getting warmer…

Is it the corny cards covered in hearts and roses filled with cringe-worthy gems like this one?

 Mmmm…. no.

I’ll just tell you. You’re never going to get it.

There are actually a few reasons I love Valentine’s Day so much (and  no, none of them have to do with naked babies shooting arrows at people).

Reason number one. You can shorten it to VD and wish it on people. Oh, how it makes me giggle to tell people I love “Happy VD!”  I like to think that sometimes when people shorten it to “VD”, they have no idea why it is so funny to someone like me.

Reason number two. Candy. Specifically, chocolate. Little carmel stuffed nuggets of deliciousness are everywhere in the weeks leading up to VD, and afterwards they go on sale. Going into Walgreens the day after Valentine’s is like winning the lottery.

And finally, one of the biggest reasons I love this day so very much is the awesome presents you can buy for the one you love (or just someone you want to weird out).

Like this creepy thoughtful gift- the boyfriend pillow.

I’m just trying to imagine what my reaction would be to a gift like this. Horror? Disgust? Fear?

Yep. Sounds about right.

But what better way to show you love someone? “Even when I’m not around, my arm will be.”

Swoon!

If the boyfriend pillow is a little ‘too much’ for you, maybe you should try something a little more mellow, like a giant inflatable heart.

"Oh, I'm having so much fun!"

Sure, it sounds like a good idea. But what do you do with it, you ask? Granted, it would probably end up sitting  in a corner gathering dust and slowly deflating.

But during the 30 minutes to an hour it takes your significant other to inflate it, he or she will be able to get a lot of thinking done on how thoughtful and creative you are.

As for what to do with it, the possibilities are endless. Toss it back and forth, use it as an exercize ball, tie it around a child’s wrist and send them into orbit…

Okay, so you don’t like either of those options? I think you will love this one. It’s called my beating heart pillow, and it pretty much does exactly with you think it does. This pillow has a heartbeat that synchs with your heartbeat in a totally not creepy, science fiction sort of way.

Maybe now that you understand the simple beauty that can be found on February 14th, you’ll be able to look past the commercialization of VD (tee hee) and have a wonderful day.

Jimmy Hoffa, wherever you are, Happy 98th Birthday!

-N.

I know I’m turned on.

While mindlessly browsing the net today I found a list of cities that were considered to be surprisingly romantic. Some of them were somewhat legit while others were questionable. Then I found this one…

I’m sorry, what part of animals humping is the romantic part? I thought romance was about candles, music and whispering sweet nothings. CLEARLY I was mistaken.

So, if you’re feeling that your Valentine’s Day is lacking a bit of romance just turn on Animal Planet and watch some squirrels go at it for a bit. That should get the train of romance right back on the tracks of love…or something like that.

Anywho…

Happy Valentine’s Day from TGOB!

-A

p.s. if you are having trouble reading the text on the picture, click on it to see the full thing. Trust me, it is worth it!

Valentine’s Day Part Deux

Part II of our amazing Valentine’s Day collaboration post is all about people you may not find attractive in any way shape or form, but we find irresistible.  In no particular order, I give you our list of celebrities that you might be shocked to learn make our mouths water and our lady parts tingle.

1. Jack Black  (He makes us laugh until one of us wets herself- Adrian- but that’s not the only reason he’s on the list.  He’s also got that big, hairy, teddy bear thing going on, which from time to time we catch ourselves drooling over.)

2. Jack Nicholson (If you are thinking “well sure, Jack didn’t look so bad once upon a time,” hang on to your panties because you’re in for a surprise. We are talking about old man Jack Nicholson, in his current balding, saggy jowel state.)

3. Seth Rogan  (Something about those chubby funny men that gets us going.)

4. Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka (You know he’s  into some crazy stuff.  And we really want to get into that candy factory.)

5. Anthony Michael Hall- in the 80′s (Yes, the geek.  C’mon, he’s adorable! Plus, we think he would be really grateful.)

6. Captain Jack Sparrow (Sure, he’s wearing more eyeliner than a hooker, has several gold teeth, dirty hair and is always drunk, but there is just something about the way he swaggers around that makes our hearts go pitty patter.)

7. Pauly Shore (Pauly Shore circa 1993 could have had both of us as his personal love slaves in a second… if we weren’t seven.)

8. Betty White (Like you wouldn’t.)

9. William Shatner as Captain Kirk (Because he……. is……. so……. sexy…….in that…… outfit.)

10. Tim Burton (Yeah, he’s got messy hair. We know. Yep, his face is kind of fugly. We’ve heard that before. It doesn’t change the fact that there is something about him that makes us want to just grab him and (_insert imaginative sexy act here_).

11. David Bowie in Labyrinth (Couldn’t explain this one if we wanted to.)

So for those of you who don’t have someone to snuggle up to on this Hallmark holiday (or hey, maybe even if you do), please keep yourself cozy this evening with thoughts of snuggling up to one of the titillating options above.

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

-N.