WE WANT PRENUP, WE WANT PRENUP!

24-year-old Crystal Harris, a Playboy Playmate, is getting her dream wedding! A dress that definitely won’t be white (duh.), a beautiful cake, a big band and waiting for her at the end of the aisle, 84-year-old Hugh Hefner.

Hold the phone.

What in the name of all that is holy does a 24-year-old want to marry an 84-year-old for? Does she think that it’s going to be like the direct tv commercial where the bimbo gets everything? I kinda hope she does.

Don’t get me wrong here, in most situations I do think that age is only a number. I would also like to add that Hugh Hefner isn’t an unattractive older gentleman. I’m just not sure I’d want to consummate a marriage with a man who is more likely than not to kick the bucket before our honeymoon.

Maybe this is just coming from a girl who hasn’t had a succesful relationship yet and doesn’t want to add death to the list of reasons why past flames were extinguished.

Let’s face it. If Hugh Hefner didn’t have more money than God, this chick wouldn’t think twice about the old guy. Shack up, people! Save marriage for the people who actually take it seriously, unless you like the idea of paying a divorce attorney a butt-ton of cash when you discover your irreconcilable differences.

There really isn’t much else to say about this situation so, I’ll leave you with this…

In the words of Kanye West, “now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger.” If you don’t know who Kanye is, google the word ‘douchebag.’ You’ll find pictures of him and the cast of Jersey Shore.

 -A.

Valentine’s Day Part Un

Happy Valentine’s Day friends! On this special day we have decided to treat you with something special. All the love in the air has inspired us to put our heads together and come up with “Valentine’s Day Part Un et Part Deux.” We have decided to share the men you may love but we do not, as well as the men we love that you may find absolutely repulsive! Without any further delay, I give you our first list, “Men You Love A.K.A. Men We Think Are Grody.”

Tom Cruise (You may have been smokin’ hot in the 80s, and we would never dispute that, but recently those eyes that once sparkled like diamonds have glossed over and been replaced by shifty ones that give us the heebie jeebies!)

Jake Gyllenhaal (Sorry buddy, we just don’t see it. Yes, you have a nice body, but that doesn’t cut it. You are what we would call a “paper bagger.”)

Zac Efron (This one really boggles our minds. He has girl hair, an orange tan and looks like he is crafted from plastic….four thumbs down! By the way, High School Musical is not a modern-day Grease. Not almost, not a little, not even close.)

Christian Bale (If our mother’s successfully taught us one thing it was “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all,” well………………………)

Kanye West (Aside from he fact that he looks like a troll we can’t think of one intelligent word this man has spoken. Sorry Kanye, wait…no we’re not.)

John Mayer (Serenade us….as long as our eyes are closed! What about this conceited, womanizer do we find attractive? Nothing! Also, trying to cover Tom Petty’s Free Fallin’…….FOOLISH!

Tyra Banks (We love America’s Next Top Model, and that affection has little to do with her! If we ever met her this is how we imagine the conversation would go:

A- Hey Tyra.

T- Hay Hay, Oh Oh

N- Ummm…what does that mean?

T- I have worked hard my whole life to get where I am! I know everything about (whispers) everything! (places hands on hips and raises eyebrows while wiggling head back and forth)

A- Right, ok….

T- I’m not fat! Large women are beautiful too! Love your bodies ladies! Even though your bodies don’t look half as good as mine. Seriously, stand next to me, I’ll prove it.

A- Yeah, that’s great Tyra. Let’s get out of here Nik, she’s crazy!

N – Totes, batshit crazy!)

Honorable Mention

Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner (One of us would probably vomit on the other if they ever caught them snuggling up with these two. Hey, we can’t agree on everything!)

So, if you’re alone on Valentine’s Day do not worry! After all, you could be stuck with one of these nuts!

-A.