Happy Valentine’s Day friends! On this special day we have decided to treat you with something special. All the love in the air has inspired us to put our heads together and come up with “Valentine’s Day Part Un et Part Deux.” We have decided to share the men you may love but we do not, as well as the men we love that you may find absolutely repulsive! Without any further delay, I give you our first list, “Men You Love A.K.A. Men We Think Are Grody.”
Tom Cruise (You may have been smokin’ hot in the 80s, and we would never dispute that, but recently those eyes that once sparkled like diamonds have glossed over and been replaced by shifty ones that give us the heebie jeebies!)
Jake Gyllenhaal (Sorry buddy, we just don’t see it. Yes, you have a nice body, but that doesn’t cut it. You are what we would call a “paper bagger.”)
Zac Efron (This one really boggles our minds. He has girl hair, an orange tan and looks like he is crafted from plastic….four thumbs down! By the way, High School Musical is not a modern-day Grease. Not almost, not a little, not even close.)
Christian Bale (If our mother’s successfully taught us one thing it was “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all,” well………………………)
Kanye West (Aside from he fact that he looks like a troll we can’t think of one intelligent word this man has spoken. Sorry Kanye, wait…no we’re not.)
John Mayer (Serenade us….as long as our eyes are closed! What about this conceited, womanizer do we find attractive? Nothing! Also, trying to cover Tom Petty’s Free Fallin’…….FOOLISH!
Tyra Banks (We love America’s Next Top Model, and that affection has little to do with her! If we ever met her this is how we imagine the conversation would go:
A- Hey Tyra.
T- Hay Hay, Oh Oh
N- Ummm…what does that mean?
T- I have worked hard my whole life to get where I am! I know everything about (whispers) everything! (places hands on hips and raises eyebrows while wiggling head back and forth)
A- Right, ok….
T- I’m not fat! Large women are beautiful too! Love your bodies ladies! Even though your bodies don’t look half as good as mine. Seriously, stand next to me, I’ll prove it.
A- Yeah, that’s great Tyra. Let’s get out of here Nik, she’s crazy!
N – Totes, batshit crazy!)
Honorable Mention
Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner (One of us would probably vomit on the other if they ever caught them snuggling up with these two. Hey, we can’t agree on everything!)
So, if you’re alone on Valentine’s Day do not worry! After all, you could be stuck with one of these nuts!
-A.
