Happy Birthday!!

11 03 2013

Someone is 26 today! Well, a substantial number of living human beings are 26 at this moment in time. The most important of them all, in my opinion, being my best friend and hetero-life mate, Nicole! A very happy birthday to you, buddy. You’re the greatest of all the best friends in all of the land!

This year, I thought I would honor our friendship and your day of birth by highlighting other awesome friendships we viewed on television and hold dear in our hearts. 

Lucy and Ethel

ImageTalk about two great pals. I hope someday we have the opportunity to share our love for one anther through song. Oh wait, we did. 

Zack Morris and Screech Powers

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Zack didn’t care that Screech was a space cadet and Screech didn’t care that Zack would call time out and freeze everyone to chat with his friends watching at home. That is friendship. How could you not love these two?

Kevin Arnold and Paul Pfeiffer

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Kevin and Paul were true pals. They helped each other through some pretty awkward times, just like we helped each other through our awkward over-tweezed eyebrow phase. Thank you for that.

Karen and Jack

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My favorite thing about these two is the fact that they never tried to bring the other back down to earth. Some say a good friend will give you a reality check. Other say a good friend will swipe their hand down your crack like a credit card for fun. Either way, they were loyal.

Nicole and Adrian

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The most loyal pair in all history. You taught me the real words to Whitesnake’s Here I Go Again, let me color your hair and accidentally turn your eyebrows Bozo Red, and never sent my birthday card to the wrong address. Sorry I did that. 

My birthday wish for you:

May you always know that I appreciate you more than words, continue to live what you love, and have plenty of bacon.

Thanks for being my best friend and never pulling me too far back to earth.

Love you and happy 26th!

-A. 

 

 





Lady Stank Presents

20 01 2013

It’s the day you’ve all been waiting for.

Or, it’s the day at least two of you have been waiting for.

This little blog of ours has gotten 76,905 views, and you know what that means.

ladystank

VAGINA RAP

You asked for it, and we delivered. (You. Are. Welcome.) Without further ado…

LADY STANK presents…

THE VAGINA RAP

Enjoy.

-N. & A. (AKA LADY STANK)

(Related post: Does This Vagina Make Me Look Fat?)





The Golden Globes

15 01 2013

Something stupendous happened last night. Our role models, the women we strive to be half as funny as, came together and hosted the Golden Globes and it was awesome. Duh.

In case you are boring and missed it, we thought we would highlight the bits and pieces that we found funny, interesting, or just plain confusing.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were hilarious. They referred to the former President as Bill Rodham Clinton and I about rolled off the couch laughing. They made the super serious and intimidating Daniel Day-Lewis do an E.T. impersonation. They got in a sick James Cameron burn. Between their ridiculous costumes and calling Glenn Close a drunk, the only thing I wanted was more of them and less of the other boring pretty people.

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Role Models.

Amy Poehler canoodled George Clooney, which went a long way towards healing the hearts that broke when she and Will Arnett split up. (Ours.)

Adele is adorable. Her acceptance speech was so sweet and genuine. Also, she mentioned pissing herself. Sold.

Jennifer Garner is also adorable and very sweet. Did anyone else feel awkward about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez being in the same room? Are we over that? Well, it’s still awkward for me.

Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell sounded exactly like I did every single time I was called on during Algebra II.

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Jodi Foster came out…a long time ago…we think. Neither of us are too certain what she said during that long, wordy speech. We do know one thing: we still love her.

Bill Murray looks like the Lorax. Did anyone else notice that?

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Bill Murray

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The Lorax

Wait…maybe that’s wrong.

That’s pretty much all you missed. All that matters anyway.

WE WANT MORE TINA AND AMY!!

-A.





Birthdays, BFF4L and Cake

29 12 2012

Everyone who found our site by searching for hamster porn, or boobies, please go about your business. This post doesn’t concern you.

Everyone else….. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

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(I assume Addie and I are the only ones still reading the blog at this point – besides the perverts.)

Congratulations on making it through another year! With all the stupid shit you do, I’m honestly a little surprised.

I’ve decided to dedicate this post to our friendship. Mostly because it’s easy for me to find some pictures about friendship on the internet and drop them in this post.

Enjoy!

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It’s true. We are.

Although, how can we really call ourselves “best friends” when we didn’t do this?

addiebirthday3

Those two are really committed. I’m just not sure we’re “there” yet.

addiebirthday4

And because it’s your birthday, you get to be the poo in this one. You’re welcome!

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True.

A lot of those “real best friends” ones should be “real assholes” (e.g. “A friend helps you up when you fall down, a BEST friend murders your family.” Maybe not that extreme, but… I think you see where I’m going here.) but this one is legit.

In conclusion, Happy Birthday, best friend. I hope it’s everything you dreamed it would be and more. (Your day, not this post. I know this masterpiece rocked your socks.) 26 is going to be a good year for you. I’m like, 42% sure.

This counts as my card by the way.

Just be glad I didn’t send you this cake:

addiebirthday6

-N.





TWEET US!

9 11 2012

We’ve finally made it to Twitter!

We’ll wait while you get your excitement under control.

….
Okay, find us over there at @TwoGirls1Brain and tweet us ALL THE THINGS!
-N. & A.





R-E-S-P-E-C-T

8 11 2012

First, I’d like to apologize for interrupting your regularly scheduled boob and fart jokes with these recent political posts.

But not really, because it’s our blog and we do what we want.

YOU DON’T KNOW OUR LYFE!

Next, I’d like to say CONGRATULATIONS to President Obama on his victory over Mitt Romney yesterday. My vagina breathes easier today. (JKJKJKJKJK! It breathes the same because I’m wearing the same pair of undies. Haven’t showered yet.)

Anyway, it’s probably not a surprise to anyone who has been reading this blog (our moms) who we voted for. And that’s what I want to talk about real quick.

First of all, let me say, I don’t agree with Governor Romney on many issues. We just don’t agree. But I don’t think everyone who voted for him is a moron who doesn’t know his or her ass from a hole in the ground.

I assume most people who voted for him feel passionately about certain things, and make informed decisions. (That’s based off my personal experiences with… oh, almost everyone in my family.)

But what I’ve seen (both last night and today) on the news and via social media, is that many members of the GOP believe people who voted for President Obama let the media make their decision for them. (And before you ask, I was flipping back and forth between several news channels including Fox News.)

I am offended by this.

I hear people saying all over the place that “if Akin and Mourdock hadn’t said what they said…”, as if that’s the only reason people were bamboozled into voting for President Obama. (I’m not even touching on some of the nastier things being said, because I believe those kinds of comments come from such a small percentage of people. But this – the media thing – seems to be a fairly popular opinion.)

This line of thinking is frustrating, infuriating, and it makes me tired.

I just don’t know if I have the energy to keep defending myself against this absolute nonsense, but I have to.

I have to find the energy. Because I have to believe that if it keeps being said, then maybe people will begin to believe it.

Here it is guys. The simplest way I know how to explain it.

I voted for Barack Obama. I would have voted for him whether or not Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock said the things they said. Or without the media coverage on things like “the war on women”. I know for some people, I can say that and say that and say that, and they will still believed that I was brainwashed by the liberal media.

But maybe someone else will get what I am saying.

I have very specific reasons for voting for President Obama and the Democratic Party. There are certain things that are important to me, including civil rights, reproductive rights and healthcare. (If you’d like me to go into my reasons more, I’d be happy to. A respectful discussion is valuable for people on both sides of an issue.) The Republican Party isn’t the right choice for me, and that has nothing to do with the media, and everything to do with their platform. (Does that mean I agree with everything President Obama says or does? Erm, no. Absolutely not. But of the two, he was a better choice for me. Someone might point out that that’s one of the flaws with a two-party system, but that’s another post for another day. Or never. The political posts make me weary.)

Don’t tell me I voted the way I did because I was brainwashed by the liberal media. If you don’t realize how insulting and hurtful that is, you’re probably not going to get much out of this post.

(If you’re hearing me read this post out loud in your head, this is where you switch to a weary, sort of pleading voice.)

Just, please, be respectful. I don’t care who you are, or who you voted for. People on both sides have demonstrated a profound lack of basic respect for one another, and it’s disheartening. We are a country divided. We have enough issues without the constant bickering and hate. We need to work together, but that’s not something that can happen when all we do is try and bring down the other side.

So. Those are my thoughts on things. (I know. No one asked.)

As a reward for reading this entire thing, I give you a shirtless Chris Hemsworth.

Well, I don’t GIVE him to you. He’s a person, not property. (Besides he’s married. Calm down.) But you can look at him.

-N.





Hey Ann Coulter,

26 10 2012

suck it.

Before I begin, I feel that I must give a round of applause to John Franklin Stephens, a 30-year-old gentleman with Down syndrome. John wrote a kind letter to Ann Coulter in response to her use of the “R-word” a few days ago. Even after Coulter made awful, tasteless comments, John, in an incredibly mature fashion, offered her friendship.

This isn’t that letter.

Ann Coulter knows how to make the news. Her method has worked without fail over the years. Part of me wishes that Stephen Colbert would offer her a million bucks to tea bag her. Maybe she’d choke on his million dollar balls and we could all get on with our lives.

Here’s what I don’t get. Ann Coulter is an educated woman. I find it hard to believe that she can’t dig a little deeper and come up with something even slightly more intelligent to say. Why would you make it a point of pride to throw around offensive, lazy, low quality remarks that have absolutely no true meaning behind them? Come on, Ann. Spend a little more time on those insults. Put all that education to use.

Truth be told, Ann Coulter knows how to make the news every once in a while.

And for that,

Ann Coulter is a douche.

I’m a douche!

Yes, I realize I just urged someone to come up with more mature insults, then, called her a douche. So, I will give you this.

Ann Coulter, you are a mean, disrespectful, sad excuse for a woman. With the opportunity to speak to the masses, you choose to make tasteless remarks that stir up and divide, rather than encourage and unite. Shame on you,

you douche.

-A.

 

 








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